Driven Bananas
If your guilty of any of the following crimes against automobiles-
we have monkeys armed with poo looking for you!
Those stupid things people do.
Referring to nitrous as anything other than “nitrous”—that’s right I’m talking
about the idiots who say “nos”  there are medications available to help you.

Anyone who races on the street—there are other methods of suicide- that
don’t include killing or injuring innocent bystanders.  Racetracks-hmm there’s
and idea.  And wear a helmet!

Honking your horn at anything other than an emergency.

Not wearing your seatbelt, duh.

Driving around for months with the check engine or service engine soon light
on.  When the light is on your car is running in a “safe mode” designed to
protect the engine long enough to get to a repair shop—this is accomplished
by using a lot of extra gas, and retarding the timing—bad for gas mileage
and worse for the environment.  It causes extremely high toxic emissions
from all the extra unburnt fuel—Taxi drivers in NYC this includes you!!!  
Guess what- it’s usually an inexpensive fix-a faulty sensor or disconnected
wire.  Get it checked!!!

Doing anything else while driving—texting, calling on your cellphone, doing
your makeup, fixing your hair, or my personal favorite- holding a small dog
in your lap.  I love most dogs-but not the ones who drive-they are terrible
drivers-and their owners are almost always imbeciles.

Not cleaning the snow off the roof of your car and driving while the snow
blows onto the windshield of the car behind you.  
Automotive Accessorizing
Putting a HUGE plastic wing on the back of your front wheel drive import
car…utterly stupid

Putting more than one wing on anything other than an airplane…utterly
stupid.  If you want to drive the batmobile, have the courtesy to wear a
mask-to save your parents the embarrassment of being associated with
your particular brand of stupidity.

Putting fat slicks on the back of your front wheel drive car.  If you don't
understand what front wheel drive means-ask someone.

Bragging about your lightweight carbon fiber hood and decklid while you
put several 12 inch subwoofers in your trunk, with 3 amps, capacitors,
miles of shiny wires and a second battery.

Having 4 different looking wheels on your car.

Having 4 different size wheels on you car.

Having a cd or other shiny object hanging from your rear view mirror-
ready to blind you just when your about to strike another vehicle.

Vanity plates that say anything other than IMSTUPD.
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